3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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