I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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