I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
