I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
