The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
