Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i came on her dog
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
