you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
