i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
