Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
