I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
