I think my fart just growled at me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
