You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
