I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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