capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
