thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
