season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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