I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
