Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Drunk is not a location!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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