You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
