i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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