remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
