Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
