16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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