so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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