we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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