If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
