pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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