I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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