just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I could fuck to npr.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
