Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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