whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
