hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
