You really coming over, don't trick.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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