At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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