Whod you bang
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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