mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
