Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
