The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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