i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
