and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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