I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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