"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
