tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
