I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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