I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
