she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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