it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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