# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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