She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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