I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just invented taco cereal.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
