ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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