super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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