I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
